Sliding Doors

So there's this movie with Gwyneth Paltrow called "Sliding Doors" and in it shows the two lives she could have had based on one decision she made. Something like that, I never really saw it. It's probably bad to start off a blog post by explaining a movie you only know existed because you're mom rented it years ago and you saw bits a pieces of it while getting food from the kitchen. ANYWAY. It's an interesting subject. How different would our lives be if instead of going through door A, we went through door B?

Today is my friend Megan's 5th wedding anniversary. She has been with her husband for a total of 9 years and they have two beautiful and amazing kids. Megan and I are very similar. You know when you have a friend that just "gets" you. That's Megan. We are complete dorks together, and make each other laugh and are there for one another for the bad times. I believe that Megan and I could very well be the same person living out different lives. She went through door A: The family life. While I went through door B: The career life.

I can't speak for Megan, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if it worked out the way my 5 year old self wanted it to. When I was 5 I dreamed of being an actress- well specifically the youngest actress to win an Oscar, but time crept up on me and I did not make a movie. If only Tatum O'Neal didn't set the bar so high! Anyway, I wanted to be an actress and to get married by the time I was 25. My parents married when they were 23, so I thought those extra two years would give me plenty of time to get my career going. By the time I got to middle school I was just waiting to meet my Cory Matthews to my Topanga Lawrence. Of course the 6th grade is where I would meet my soul mate, that's what middle school is for right? Boy Meets World, you got my hopes up. The whole relationship thing has never worked out for me. It's sad, I just now expect for guys to not be interested in me. Perhaps in my youth I was too forward, too aggressive about boys. I knew what I wanted and though I wasn't really sure how to go after for I wanted, I just went, full speed ahead. I was a gutsy kid. I asked a boy out to the movies when I was 11 years old. He said no, but he was nice about it, which is probably not how all 11 year old boys would have responded. From age 11 until now, at 24 I've dealt with guys rejecting me, or not being available, or having a girlfriend already. My plan for a family and a career by 25 was ruined.

By the time I was 16, I knew what I wanted to do career wise. I knew that comedy was in my future in one way or another. Since I didn't have any boys doting on me, I became driven. When I was 16, the dream was (and hell, still is) Saturday Night Live. I was known in my drama class for writing original character pieces. I'd fall down the stairs and sing musical parodies. I'd have characters that were pregnant teenagers, and drunk girls at a party. I was a hit in drama class, all three years of it. That's where I discovered I was funny. Unless they were in my drama class, most people I went to school with probably wouldn't describe me as funny. Anyway, I knew this is what I wanted. I never understood how people had trouble figuring out what they wanted to do with their lives. It was always so clear to me. Just do what you love right? Isn't it that simple? I was writing monologues all the time in class. I was always thinking about what I could do next in class.

After high school was hard. I didn't have drama class anymore. I had no outlet to perform. I read somewhere that if you want to get into comedy, any part of comedy, you should do stand up- at least for a bit. I was 18 and I thought stand up would be impossible. I had been writing comedy from the point of view of a character I had made up. How the hell was I suppose to write jokes from MY perspective? I inquired about an open mic in my neighborhood, but it was at a bar and I was too young to be let into the bar. Over the next 2 years I was depressed. I didn't want to do anything, and that's exactly what I was doing with my life. Not performing was killing me. I finally did something about and at 20 years old I started doing stand up, and have been ever since.

I've been doing stand up about as long as Megan has been a mother. It's kind of crazy that I can watch my comedy career grow at the same pace as Piper. As I watch Piper grow into an amazing kid with such a spunky personality, I can see that my comedy has taken on a personality of its own as well.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I got to have the husband and kids by this time in my life. Would it be the life that Megan has? Would I be able to balance both career and family? I've always been a person that wants it all. Have you ever done those, Make your own Sundaes? They have all the toppings out; gummi bears, chocolate chips, caramel sauce, hot fudge, whipped cream, oreo, coconut shavings... I have to stop, this is making me hungry. But you get the point. I want it all on my sundae. I wonder if I can handle it all, career and a family. I want to. I'd be an awesome wife. I bake and I could cook and just be amazing. I'd be a kick ass mom too. And being pregnant? I can just picture myself getting on a stage at 8 months pregnant, and saying, "Do these pants make me look fat?" God, I could write a lot of good pregger jokes. And when I get pregnant, whenever that may be, I'm gonna eat that damn sundae with all of those toppings. (Who am I kidding, I'm going to the store now to get the fixings)