LOOK AT ME!!!

Am I too selfish in wanting everyone to know me? I want everyone to want me, without necessarily wanting them in return. Is this just how I think, or does everyone feel that way? I mean, I know we all want to be wanted by that "special someone" but I want everyone to admire me, be in awe of me, want me to know that they too exist in my world. God, that sounded so snobbish, but that's exactly how I've felt my entire life. Perhaps that mentality is what entertainers are made of. Ever since I was a little kid I wanted everyone to know who I was and what I'm capable of doing. Wanting to shine might just be my greatest strength and weakness. As a kid I'd do whatever I could to be in the spotlight. I did school talent shows; I would always volunteer to speak in front of the class for group projects; I even signed up to carry the cross to the altar at the beginning of mass despite the agony I felt being at church. Whatever I could do to get an audience, I would do it. I just want to be seen and heard, and not in the way my generation wants to be seen and heard either. I mean, nowadays its all reality shows and social networks, "ooh look at me! I have a baby!" I get it... someone fucked you. I'm not looking for people to just stare at me in my everyday life- I want people to see my work. I want them to come to my shows and hear my jokes; go online and watch my videos; read this blog; download my podcast. I feel like I'm capable of so much greatness and if I just had the resources and the audience to back me up, the possibilities would be limitless for me.

I don't think I'm egotistical. I feel like I have a good grip on reality. But everyone in the entertainment industry has to have some ego to get anywhere in this business, otherwise why bother? If you don't think you are good, then why should anyone else? I feel I'm a good judge of myself and my work. I know when a joke does poorly, and I know when one does superbly well. My parents are probably to thank for that. They raised me with this mentality of "You can be whatever you want to be... unless that thing is a dancer, cause you don't have rhythm, but we'll still come to your dance recitals." They were, and still are, encouraging, supportive, yet real with me. They've seen me perform stand up many times and I remember one night, at a comedy competition, I didn't do so great. I had an off night. My mom asked me how I thought I did, and I told her, "It didn't suck, but it wasn't my best." and she said, "Yeah, it wasn't your best. We voted for you of course, but we voted for Dan too- we really liked Dan." I believe Dan did move on that round, and I didn't, as I shouldn't have. My parents didn't hurt my feelings, they were honest and supportive. Quite a blessing to have.

ANYWAY- I feel like I've rambled, it's 230am and I'm not sure how to end this mess of a blog. GOODNIGHT.