I don't really know what to write about it. I'm at work right now, and my foot is swollen and aches, so my mind is a bit preoccupied. A conversation with a friend last night got me thinking about a reccurring theme throughout my childhood/adolecence: I have friends that just stop being my friends. Has this happened to anyone else?
The first time it happened was in the 5th grade. If you've seen me on stage, you might have heard a bit I do about going to therapy when I was 10 years old because a girl in my class would call me fat and told me that nobody liked me. That girl was my "friend". I went trick-or-treating with her and watched "Grease" at her house! What did I do to her? I was such a goody goody as a kid, I never was mean to anybody. Her and another girl were my friends and I guess one day they woke up and decided to be mean to me. One night at a sleep over, I fell asleep first and I woke up to them putting black nail polish all over my face. They would have the Jenny Craig weightloss hotline call my house asking how they could help me shed those unwanted pounds before bikini season (Which might just be the cuntiest thing I've ever heard in my life). I don't know what, if anything I did to them. Was I just an annoying kid? Possibly. But that didn't warrant their actions.
The next was in middle school. In 8th grade I had two groups of friends I hung out with. I classify them as my Valerie group, and my Monica group. Not that they couldn't and didn't get along, just different crowds is all. So I'm at lunch, getting ready to sit down with my Monica group of friends and one of the girls looks at me and says, "What do you think you're doing here?" I said, "I'm eating lunch with my friends." And my supposed friend replies, "Well you can't sit here." All of a sudden one of my friends doesn't want me to eat lunch with her and everybody else. I had a "WTF Moment" before that phrase was coined. I stood up for myself, which I never did before and told her that I was eating lunch with my friends and she couldn't stop me from sitting at that table. And she couldn't, and didn't stop me. Instead she got up and left and made everyone else go with her (Cuntiest action ever #2). After that school year I had a sleepover with one of the girls from my Monica group. She was best friends with the girl that refused to lunch with me. I asked why she hated me all of a sudden, if I had done something to make her mad. She said she didn't know, that she one day just decided that she didn't like me. How can you just do that? How can you be friends with me for a couple of years, and then just decide to hate me, and ostracize me? I was 13 years old and couldn't believe how childish people were acting.
The last time this happened to me was when I was 19 years old. I got a great opprotunity for an internship program when I was 18 years old and I went to live and work in Orlando Florida. It was only for 6 months, so I told all my friends to keep in touch as I'd be back before they knew it. I kept correspondaces up with a few people, but, with the expection of my BFF, I was always the last one to write. Eventually the letters, and myspace messages (Does that date me? It was 2005, don't hate) stopped coming. As my return date approached, my friends were so excited to see me. I got a lot of messages on my myspace wall "What day are you coming home?" I was so happy to see my friends, and happy that they were excited to see me too. When I got home I thought my phone would be ringing off the hook (Is that phrase still appropriate, ya know cause no one really uses phones that rest on hooks anymore?). I made a lot of effort to make plans with the friends that missed me so much. I think I hung out with them once, and then they never returned my calls after that. Had Florida changed me? I mean, yeah it did in a way but for the better. I learned to live on my own, and be responsible for myself, and adapt to a new environment- but deep down I was still the same person.
This is why I like guy friends better, and why I have always gotten along with them better than girls. Not one of those stories is about a guy friend. They were all girls. Why do we treat each other this way? I understand not everyone is going to like me- I don't like everyone. But to take the time to develop a friendship and then to just trash is and me, that's just rude. And it's fucked me up. I don't know how- I still need to seek help for that, but I know it's at the root of my issues with socializing.
I feel like this was depressing in some way. Here's an embarrassing story about me to cheer you up.
When I was 9 years old I starting carrying the cross to the alter at the beginning of Sunday Mass. I hated going to church, but carrying the cross was like giving me a part in the show- it was something to do. One day I'm walking down the aisle, and to get to the stand where I put the cross, I have three steps to go up. Well this particular day I decided to skip one of the steps. I don't know why, perhaps I thought it would help make Mass go by faster. Anyway, I skip the step, but Jesus on the cross doesn't and I fall flat on my face- and I take Jesus on the cross with me, as if he hasn't been through enough already. By the way, when I fell is made this loud booming noise that echoed throughout the church. I got up, put Jesus in his spot, and went to my seat. By the way- no one helped the fallen 9 year old up, in church! No one asked if I was okay either- they just ignored it, like the Catholics are known for doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment