Diagnosed

When I was 7 years old, I really wanted glasses. I don't know why I wanted an accessory once associated with daily ass-kickings, but I wanted them; I wanted them badly. So I told my mom I was having trouble seeing the board in class and thought that glasses would help me. My mom made the appointment for the eye exam and I was very excited. I knew that I couldn't screw up this opportunity to attain my glorious frames I had longed for. The plan was simple. I knew I couldn't just fail the eye exam completely; then I'd be prescribed lenses that would make me blind. I had to miss just enough questions so I could get a mild prescription. How, at 7 years old, I knew to do that- I don't know. It's quite fascinating really. But I stuck to my plan and it worked beautifully. I got my glasses!

I want you to note that I finished that last paragraph at 10:21pm (according to the auto-draft save). I started this paragraph at 11:25pm (according to a clock). I left for an hour to find a photo of me with glasses. I know it exists, but I don't know where. So I just searched my parents computer. Instead of just admitting defeat in my search, I went through all the family photos and sent the ones I like to myself so I can add them on facebook. (I found the photo the next day- so there it is.)

Which brings me to my next point.

I saw a psychiatrist to evaluate me for ADHD.

Long story short- I have it AND Cyclothymia, which is a mild form of bi-polar.

I KNEW IT! Well not exactly, but I felt like I was off. If you read the last post then you're up to speed.

Part of me wondered if I went in prepared to give the doctor the answer I knew he'd need for the diagnosis I was anticipating, as I had done when I was a child. I mean, I started continuously rubbing my hands together during our first meeting. I guess psychologically, it was my way of acting on the thought of "Well if my answers aren't enough, he'll clearly notice this fidgeting as a symptom of ADHD." As the evaluations went on (over two sessions), I began to understand that I might have more issues than I thought. I never realized how reoccurring my depression was, or that I had episodes of elation.

I'm really taking this time in my life to take care of myself. I've had a really intense couple of years and I forgot to take care of myself in every way. I'm getting my weight and health to where it should be, I'm taking care of my mental well being, and I'm not worried about pleasing anyone else. It's refreshing to decide that it's going to be about me for a while.