Hungover & Hungry: Misadventures at the Safeway Deli Counter

Not too long ago, on a night much like tonight, I drank almost the entire contents of a 1.5 Liter bottle of Merlot. I was with other people; it's not like it was a sad affair of me alone drinking a giant bottle of wine in my room until 2am. No. I was drinking with friends until 630am. I slept at my friend's place and I woke up just about noon and I had to leave. If I waited any longer traffic would have been hell. I got myself together in about a half hour and left. I felt fine (I puked at about 5am). It's about a 45 minute drive from my friend's place to mine and I felt alright considering all the wine that was working its way through my system. I hadn't eaten in many hours and it was making me feel sick. I decided to stop at the Safeway that was just the exit before my house. All I could think about was getting a sandwich from the deli counter and eating the fuck out of it.

I got to the deli counter after picking up some other essentials (A carton of ice cream and a small bag of Cheetos Puff) I waited behind two people to order my sandwich. As I waited in line it was at that moment that my body signals to me, "Hey... we're still drunk" Not super drunk, but that am I hungover or drunk? phase of the whole thing. I waited in line entirely too long. These were the slowest sandwich makers I had ever encountered. I've never seen anyone spread condiments slowly til that afternoon.

It was finally my turn and I was ready with my simple request. "I was roast beef, on the french bread, just mayo."

She responded cheerfully, "Would you like to make it a meal?"

"No."

"But you get chips and a drink for just two extra dollars."

Stone cold I replied, "I understand what the meal is, but I don't want chips and a drink, I just want the sandwich."

She makes the sandwich and asks me what cheese I'd like. I didn't want anything on my sandwich but meat and a condiment. Don't judge me; I don't like veggies and I don't like cheese with roast beef.

Anyway I said I didn't want cheese, "Just mayo. That's it."

She makes the sandwich, she's just about to cut it and she says, "Wouldn't you rather get the meat to make a sandwich, that would be cheaper."

I was appalled. She just made me the damn sandwich! And isn't she supposed to be upselling me like with the meal deal?

I said calmly, yet sternly, as if I was a serial killer ready to lose my shit, "Honestly, I drank a bottle of wine by myself last night and all I want is a sandwich with no effort on my part, so please just give me my sandwich."

She wrapped it up and I took it. I did self-check out and I left.

She really pissed me off. Just do as I ask! I really wanted to make a point. I really wanted to just drop my basket of unhealthy items and storm out. But then it would have taken me longer to get a sandwich that I so desperately wanted, and I wanted a sandwich just a little bit more than I wanted to make a point.